Friday, August 27, 2010

I've Got the Blues

August 29th marks the 8th birth date anniversary of my first living child - Christopher. Oh I feel the usual indescribable - sometimes subtle - reactions to this special date. I think about the first year and I remember my husband and I crying all day. In following years I used to feel depressed, hopeless, and lonely. The weight of grief blotted any joy from my life. I've done a ton of intense grief work since then, so angel-versary's look and feel differently now. Maybe you can even recognize some of these symptoms as your own angel-versary comes around.

Signs of the Blues

I'm craving sugar. We're not talking about the occasional cookie here, folks. I bought a package of chocolate mint cookies and shared 6 with other people. Sadly, I ate the rest. In less than 24 hours. Then I made a chocolate smoothie and ate a piece of banana bread. I've been fantasizing about rum cake, Blizzard treats, caramel sundaes. Weird because I'm lactose intolerant.

I'm sleepy. Constantly. I know it is only the grace of God that allows me to get through each very sleep-deprived day.

Emotions are all over the place. I'm sad, confused, down, up, reading too much into things. I sigh alot and when asked what's wrong, I say "nothing" and "never mind" way too much. Half the time I honestly don't know how to answer!

Not focused. I have a ton of things to do, but can't seem to keep myself from flitting from one unfinished task to the next. Very unproductive and forgetful (and it's 10:45 p.m. and there's still a load of wet laundry sitting in the washer from this morning ... and two unfolded loads on the couch!). I even forgot to make dinner tonight (maybe I was full from my sugar escapade)!

Baby obsessed. I can't stop thinking about having another baby. So far I've been able to force myself to harass my husband about it, but it's been hard.

Sooooooo, how do you know when you've got the baby blues??


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