Sunday, November 27, 2011

"Merry" Christmas?

I used to cling so thoroughly to the words encouraging people to "cry with those who cry" ... I felt like I'd been run over with a garden tiller, so I wanted my team of mourners at my beck and call. Okay, probably not literally, but I certainly did not want to feel alone in my sadness.

Thankfully, my eyes have been opened to the second part of that scripture. We are also encouraged to "laugh with those who laugh" ... There are no double standards with God, huh?

I guess the question becomes, how is it fair for us to condemn those who are merry although we hurt, but we do not feel inspired to share others' happiness because we are in pain? Are there not two sides to every coin?

I think it requires a bit of selflessness to experience with others one side of the coin when you live on the other side. Since I'm full of thoughts right now, I'll share another. I also think we as hurting parents experience a sense of entitlement because of the enormity of our loss. Our loss is so huge that we expect to be excused from others' merry-making.  I'm not so sure that God excuses us though. We're still His ambassadors of Light and shine we must! I encourage you to, bit by bit, fight against the desire to hibernate during a joyous time of year.

After all, the JOY of the Lord is our strength (Neh. 8:10)!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

My Husband's Loving Response

Baby, I hear your needs and I will be that shoulder that you can cry on... I will manage that which you find impossible to do. Just for today. Never will you be left without a shoulder to cry on... You will never be left to struggle through those impossible days, situations or experiences for I will always be by your side... Things that we have experienced could have destroyed us but they have made us stronger and enriched our love and desire to enjoy life.

I have learned the enjoyment of life in it simplest forms, not worrying about those things beyond our controls, not searching for material goods that vanishes in the night. I have no desire to be consumed by the lure of earthly struggle to obtain material goods beyond what is necessary for our comfortable lives. Life is not about what one can obtain it’s about how well we have ministered to those whom we have come in contact with...

There is no great assignment in this life than the one we have to care for our three earthly Angels with the assurances of knowing that we will behold our Elyana, Christopher and My Kasimir. What a glorious reunion it will be... I have my confirmation for when I asked God to allow Christopher, my first born, to open his eyes before he passed away. My prayer was answered by him opening his eyes. I wanted that prayer answered as much as I was searching for a miracle because I needed to know that God was still God. That he had NOT FORGOTTEN. MY WORDS OF WISDOM BECAME GREAT IS THOU FAITHFULNESS… I wanted those eyes open so that once I got to heaven if I did not recognize Christopher he would recognize his mother and father. God answered that pray with Christopher opening his eyes and we were at peace and we were able to release him from our arms into his heavenly father arms for nurturing until mommy and daddy gets to heaven to check on him.

Baby walk with me as I walk with God… Henry

Friday, November 18, 2011

The Heart Never Forgets

Sigh. I sit here with heart heavy and head dropped low. Unwillingly, I think of my oldest daughter today. She's the one in Heaven. I have another little girl taking a nap upstairs, each soft breath is like a sweet note of reassurance ... but still thoughts of my living, breathing daughter only dull the sting of sadness I feel for my little Elyana. This heaviness doesn't rest on my shoulders often, but on and around each anniversary date the very cells running through each vein seem to groan their sorrow. If I could step outside of my body and look at myself, I wonder if I could detect the enormity of our loss just by observing the set of my head or in the distracted way in which I wander through the day. Probably not. This is why deep sadness can feel so lonely!

I wonder if this aloneness, the feelings of injustice are why many hurting parents feel the loss of a child is life's greatest tragedy? ... for even when I am not consciously reflecting on my stolen angels, the heart never forgets. I want to lay my head on a strong shoulder and snuggle under the blankets while someone else takes care of my responsibilities. Just for today.

But I won't.

I'll pick myself up and soldier on because even in my weakness, with heart laid low, God's strength carries me forward. He is truly The Lifter of My Head. And heart.

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Healing From Ectopic Pregnancy

(Article retrieved from the Natural Fertility Info website - -- See the full article to view videos I couldn't attach here. Videos were about ectopic pregnancy, fertility massage, and how to use a castor oil pack -- I do not necessarily endorse anything included in the complete article, but found what I listed here to be very informative. ~Sharee~

Healing From Ectopic Pregnancy
by Dalene Barton, CH, Doula

Have you suffered a pregnancy loss due to ectopic pregnancy? If so, you are not alone, 2% of all pregnancies are ectopic. Women who have experienced ectopic pregnancy often suffer from tissue damage; this may lead to infertility, and a 7-15% chance recurrence due to scarring and adhesion in the fallopian tubes. Not only is ectopic pregnancy damaging to the tissues, it can be emotionally scarring as well.

Ectopic pregnancy can be very physically painful, scary, and in some women may lead to hemorrhage that may result in death. All of this may create fear for future pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancy is not something to be taken lightly. Often times women are very excited to be pregnant, only to find out that they have an ectopic pregnancy and that this pregnancy is not viable; this can be a devastating loss.

If you are one of those women who have suffered damage, physically or emotionally from ectopic pregnancy, this article is for you! I will share with you ways to heal your body physically and emotionally from ectopic pregnancy. But before we begin all of that I believe it is important to share with you factors that may put you at risk for ectopic pregnancy, so that we can learn ways to prevent ectopic pregnancy.

Causes and Possible Prevention of Ectopic Pregnancy

Sexually Transmitted Disease
Sexually transmitted disease, especially Chlamydia and Gonorrhea can lead to Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID). If left untreated this may cause scar tissue, adhesion and chronic inflammation in the fallopian tubes and uterus. Use protection such as condoms during sexual intercourse, especially with new partners to help prevent STD’s.

Tubal Sterilization Reversal
This is a common birth control method for women who thought they were done having children. More and more women are deciding otherwise and having tubal reversal procedures. Because the fallopian tubes were cut and cauterized initially, then snipped again and sewn back together, this may cause scar tissue, which may narrow or block the tubes. Any type of tubal sterilization poses a risk for ectopic pregnancy, even if you do not want children and have not had a tubal reversal. Of all the unsuccessful tubal ligation procedures that resulted in pregnancy, about 50% resulted in ectopic pregnancy.

Cesarean Section
Subsequent pregnancies are at risk for ectopic pregnancy following a C-section. This is due to increased risk of scar tissue formation around the reproductive organs which may damage the fallopian tubes.

Surgery to Open Blocked Fallopian Tubes
Women who have already been diagnosed with blocked fallopian tubes may have surgical procedures to re-open them; but this procedure may cause more damage, which may lead to more scarring and adhesion.

Low Progesterone
A study done by Dr. Buckley shows that the patients that had an ectopic pregnancy had progesterone levels below 22ng/ml. Of all the patients who’s progesterone level was below 22 ng/ml, 10% had an ectopic pregnancy BUT none of the patients with progesterone levels above 22 had an ectopic. Progesterone cream may be something to look into to make sure your progesterone levels are at the right levels.

Smoking cigarettes has been linked to 5 times greater risk for ectopic pregnancy. Holy Smokes! Nicotine stimulates the fallopian tubes to contract. In some women it has been shown to cause the fallopian tubes to spasm, the walls of the fallopian to temporarily stick together, preventing the embryo from passing through for implantation in the uterus.

Fertility Medications
Fertility medications including chlomiphene citrate, pergonal and progestin (common in hormonal birth control) put a woman at risk for ectopic pregnancy, by altering the ability of the fallopian tube to contract and move the fertilized egg properly to the uterus. If you become pregnant while on one of these medications, talk to your doctor right away to rule out ectopic pregnancy.

What Happens During an Ectopic Pregnancy?

The most common place for an ectopic pregnancy to occur is inside of the fallopian tubes. Some ectopic pregnancies may occur in the abdominal cavity, cervix or ovary; this is very rare. In all cases the fetus begins to grow where it should not be.

Normally during conception the embryo, in the form of rapidly dividing cells moves from the fallopian tubes down to the uterus for implantation. Because the most common place for this to occur is the fallopian tubes, I will concentrate on that type of ectopic pregnancy. 95% of all ectopic pregnancies happen in the fallopian tubes. 50% of all ectopic pregnancies in the fallopian tube are caused by damage to the fallopian tubes; the other 50% the cause is unknown.

The embryo begins to grow and form in the fallopian tube. This puts extreme pressure on the fallopian tube. This may cause discomfort to extreme pain. Some women may not even know they have this type of pregnancy until they experience pain or it is discovered by ultrasound.

If you are pregnant and feel slight lower abdominal pain on one side or have some blood loss (spotting), and this is not normal for you, seek medical attention to rule out ectopic pregnancy. If this type of pregnancy is left undiagnosed it may lead to the fallopian tube rupturing, this is extremely dangerous as it can cause hemorrhage and death.

Often when this happens the ovary is damaged as well, and both the fallopian tube and ovary are removed surgically. The pain from fallopian tube rupture can be so extreme a woman may vomit or pass out. If you feel you are experiencing ectopic pregnancy, or rupture of the fallopian tube, seek emergency medical care right away.

If the ectopic pregnancy is diagnosed right away, doctors can treat it with the chemotherapy drug called Methotrexate. This medication dissolves the embryo and your body reabsorbs it. If you have used this medication for an ectopic pregnancy, you may seriously want to consider doing a Fertility Cleanse. The Fertility Cleanse may help clear the body of the medication prior to trying to conceive again.

Even if the fallopian tube has not ruptured, the embryo may be further along and will require surgical removal to prevent rupture. The stretching of the fallopian tube alone can create severe damage to the fallopian tube. Your doctor may determine this during surgery.

Healing Scar Tissue and Adhesion While Reducing Inflammation

Whether you are wanting to prevent an ectopic pregnancy, heal blocked fallopian tubes, or heal from a past or recent ectopic pregnancy, you will want to plan ahead to allow for proper healing to take place.

If you recently had an ectopic pregnancy, give your body 2 weeks before beginning any of these therapies or herbs. Listen to your body. If you are still tender physically from surgery or damage, give your body more time to heal on its own. Beginning Self Fertility Massage may take more time before beginning. In the mean time you can begin counseling or energy body work like Reiki or acupuncture to begin healing right away.

Fertility Enzyme Therapy

This is one of the most effective ways to reduce and remove scar tissue and adhesion, while reducing inflammation and increasing healthy circulation. Specific enzymes in this therapy eat way scar tissue (fibrin) over time, aiding the body in preventing excessive scar tissue build-up, while removing old scar tissue and adhesion. When there has been damage to the reproductive organs or surrounding tissues, chronic inflammation may be present as your body works to heal. Fertility Enzyme Therapy may help reduce inflammation, while aiding the body in healthy inflammation response. (See complete article for their recommendations for products -- link is at beginning of article)
Castor Oil Packs

Castor Oil packs promote healing to the reproductive system, by stimulating circulation and triggering the lymphatic system. The lymphatic system is responsible for removing metabolic waste, old diseased cells and tissues. This is very important, especially if your ectopic pregnancy may have been caused by Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD), infection from past surgery, endometriosis, uterine fibroids, ovarian cysts or PID.

Castor oil is one of the only ways to stimulate the lymphatic system to move. The lymphatic system relies on us to get it to move. The heart runs our circulatory system, but exercise, dry brushing, some herbs and Castor Oil are some of the only ways to get the lymph to move. Castor Oil Packs heal underlying tissues very well, when used consistently over time. We recommend using this type of therapy at least 2-3 times a week. It works great in conjunction with Self Fertility Massage.

Healing Emotionally from Ectopic Pregnancy

Many women find it hard to move forward with trying to conceive after ectopic pregnancy. The statistics for recurrent ectopic pregnancy may compound this. If you have suffered an ectopic pregnancy, I am sure somewhere in the back of your mind you are asking, “Will this happen again?” Fear can create anxiety when trying to conceive and with subsequent pregnancies. How can you face those fears, and move forward? Fear alone can make getting pregnant again difficult. Work toward letting go of resentment, anger or shame surrounding your circumstances, in regard to your ectopic pregnancy. We are more than our physical bodies, treating yourself holistically is going to greatly improve your chances of healing, so you can move toward a successful, healthy pregnancy.

-Seek counseling

-Actively engage your body in healing therapies

-Join an ectopic pregnancy support group or forum

-Journal about your journey

-Acknowledge your loss, take time to mourn, allow yourself space to process the experience


-Consciously thank your body for all that is does everyday.

-Believe in your body’s capacity to heal itself.

-Get body work done or do body work on yourself: Reiki, Maya abdominal massage or Self Fertility Massage™ or acupuncture.

-Meditate or visualize a healthy pregnancy happening for you as your body is healing.

-Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is similar to acupuncture. In this technique, various energy points in the body are unlocked by gentle tapping. The theory behind this technique is that all negative emotions are caused by a disruption in the body’s energy system. Either a practitioner can perform the tapping or the patient can be taught to perform the tapping alone. This technique is wonderful because it addresses both fertility and stress reduction at the same time. EFT has no known negative side effects, the reported success rates for resolving both emotional and physical issues is amazingly high with improvement for up to 95% of people.

I believe in the capacity of my body to heal itself.

I love myself unconditionally!



2. Northrup, Christiane, M.D. Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom; Bantam Books, 2010

3. Serum progesterone testing to predict ectopic pregnancy in symptomatic first-trimester patients. Ann Emerg Med 2000 Aug;36(2):95-100

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

How a Little Known Therapy Changed My Life

When I found out I was pregnant in Novemeber 2010, I was shocked by my reaction. I was so stunned it was as if I had been slapped. I felt tremendous guilt because I never imagined I could have the feelings I had after all the losses we had endured. How could I not be happy and grateful for this blessing? What was wrong with me? As I dug deeper, I discovered that there still lingered fear. Memories rarely die, and my heart, mind, soul, and body could remember all I had endured during each pregnancy. I was not physically, mentally, or spiritually ready to endure all that again. I broke all my own rules and allowed worry to consume me to the point where I fell into a depressed state. I had studied a therapy we'll call EMDR for short. (It actually stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). Another therapist shared that he had learned about the therapy after his own son had died and it worked for him, soooooo I searched for and found a certified practitioner in my area.

My therapy experience

To my utter amazement, after the first session of actual reprocessing, I felt good about being pregnant. By the end of the second session I felt I could handle any drama with confidence. By the third session, I was dealing with life experiences that I had no idea were even linked to my reactions to the loss of our three children!  By the fourth session, I was feeling light, bubbly and EXCITED about being pregnant. I felt positive and didn't feel the need to simply "go along" with every suggestion the doctor made. I felt confident in my body's ability to handle this pregnancy. I began to even do pregnancy yoga and consider my options for a natural birth over having a repeat c-section. By the sixth session all anxiety, apprehension and negative emotions completely went away! And I wasn't dreaming!

What has made life even better is that I can see the difference in other areas of my life. It's like the therapy has helped me see perspectives I was completely oblivious to before. For example, situations or comments that used to bother me, don't bother me anymore. I'm not as sensitive about things (which is GREAT when you are married or have a significant other!) and I feel like a physical burden has been lifted from my shoulders.

The thing I love about EMDR is that it wasn't some weird hypnosis or anything like that. Research has shown that back and forth eye movements (think REM sleep) somehow help our brains switch between the emotional center (limbic system) to the more logical center (neo-cortex). So when we experience trauma or something disturbing our brain automatically taps into the emotional databank, which gets the common fight-or-flight reaction going. Sometimes the memory gets trapped there, so the mind and body never heal properly. EMDR helps the brain take that memory and deposit it into the logical databank, which allows us to finally heal. I was in complete control and thank GOD I did not have to re-tell all the painful details that brought me to the session because EMDR isn't what we call "talk therapy".

I pulled up a mental image, tapped into some negative and positive beliefs I had tied to that image than did the eye movements. It was like I was watching the scenary go by and when the "train" stopped, the image didn't bother me anymore and the negative belief system was gone, too! Each session lasted an hour and although the scenery went by, there were moments when I cried my heart out or felt upset, but it only lasted for one or two minutes. After many sessions I felt completely exhausted and sometimes would have dreams that gave me further clarity about the topic we had worked on.

The most interesting thing about EMDR has been experiencing first hand that painful memories don't just get trapped in your head. They get trapped in your body, too. So when I talk about a weight being lifted off of me, it turns out it was not some figment of my imagination.

Please share your questions ... I'll do the best I can to answer all! Have any of you experienced EMDR or any other therapy? What was your experience?

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Here's How I Know that You Don't Know God

I admit it. I don't know. I don't know the answers to the "why" questions. There is only one thing of which I am certain. I could not have survived (and yes, thrived) without God. It is becoming so common to just leave Him out of the discussion, but this is a post where I have to get real.

I read your posts when you rail against God and the injustices "He has commited against you". I even get it, because I've been there ... I've done the same thing. I read your posts where it is only the anger that gets you through each day. I read your posts when you search for meaning, and the posts where you meditate on the ugliness others have so carelessly tossed your way. I cry when you write about your pain, your emptiness, your sorrow. I hurt when I think of your little boys and girls who left this world before gray hairs could grace their heads.

It is healthy and normal to dedicate a season for our grief. To mourn fully, flat on our faces, with all we've got left. But no, we are not created to carry the weight of our grief with us the rest of our days. Those who try doing this anyway live dark, empty lives where her companions are bitterness, sadness, and fear rather than joy and gladness. This is a life that leads to more loneliness, depression, medication, and it's a downward spiral from there. I do not argue that we stop feeling sad about what happened ... I argue that we were never intended to carry the weight of sadness with us hourly - for life.

When we talk about letting go of the pain's intensity, many misunderstand and think I mean they should forget or "get over" their baby. I would never suggest such foolishness. I admonish you to stop the cycle of blame. God has not taken your baby. No, He literally records your every tear ... He is the Lifter of your head ... He is the Healer of your soul. But, these things won't just happen on their own. You are required to take action. Reach for Him and He will reach back! 

Try it. When you feel like you have lost everything, what else have you got to lose?

Monday, April 18, 2011

Hope for Incompetent Cervix

Sometimes it is quite difficult to grab ahold of hope that you can have that rainbow baby despite seemingly insurmountable odds. When I had three back-to-back late-term losses, I only knew of one person who had suffered through something similar. Now I know two people. Finding and learning from those who have experienced such tremendous grief was greatly encouraging for me. I pray that you too will find encouragment if you have an incompetent cervix and have not found the answers you seek. Here's one woman's story.

Samone had written her story in my book Stolen Angels, but when the book went to print she had lost one precious baby. I like to stay in touch with the writers, and when I learned that this dear woman had lost a second daughter at around the same gestation and in the same way as her first loss, my heart cried out for her! Recently she contacted me, and had this amazing news to share:

"Hi Sharee. Please share my MIRACLE! I would like for women to know that if they have lost a baby (or babies) due to incompetent cervix, there is HOPE. I believe that the Lord placed me here in _____________  for a reason, although I don't like it here. Had it not been for my being placed here and coming across an obstetrician who looked at my history, LISTENED to me and referred me to me to a perinatologist, I probably would not have had my miracle baby. If anyone should contact you, wanting to know about the transabdominal cerclage, please let me know!"

Samone has welcomed a little boy into her family in March 2011 and is available to tell of her experiences with the abdominal cerclage ... just shoot me an email and I'll forward to her. I'm on yahoo ... momax3angels. You can also read the first part of her journey in Stolen Angels beginning on page 133.

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Back on!

I can't believe I haven't posted since the beginning of November! I must admit that I have been pretty bummed out since that time. I've always been a huge voice (in my mind anyway!) for not letting grief rule, but folks, I must admit that there are some things the mind - the heart - cannot forget!

November 18, 2005 my little girl was born still. Since that horrific time I had gone on to publish a book, facilitate a support group, do guest speaking events, sit on panels, volunteer at the hospital - and more. Nope not an opportunity to brag, but just trying to say that I earnestly believed I was done hurting and had moved forward to accept what had happened especially since so many lives were changed in a positive way. (I also  had two infant losses in 2002 and 2003).

But wow. November 2010 brought with it a deep sadness that had me crying all the time, sad, unmotivated ... I hate to give it a name, but seriously, I was depressed! Later in the month I found out I was unexpectedly expecting. Yes. Unexpectedly expecting! Instead of the joy I would expect (especially after YEARS of baby craving) I was devastated. I was scared. I just couldn't fathom how I would endure the needles, the contractions, the cerclage, the months of uncertainty, the lifestyle change, the c-section ... all so soon. I wanted another baby, but think I was leaning more toward adoption, but here I was - pregnant. And guilty. I felt deep shame. I wondered how could I be so ungrateful?? This was a blessing and here I was crying into my pillow every chance I could get.

Today is a new day. The depression fog has lifted and I'm back on. I am really really really looking forward to sharing words of encouragement again! I missed you!