To Go or Not To Go

One of you asked an interesting question ... if you are mourning your baby, but are currently pregnant, should you still attend an infant and pregnancy loss support group?

I encountered this dilemma firsthand. A few months after discovering I was pregnant, I announced to the support group that I wouldn't be back until after I had the baby. They were in an uproar over my decision. I thought they would hurt every time they saw the pregnant me, so I wanted to spare them the discomfort.

They assured me that my experience gave them the courage to face pregnancy. It gave them hope for their own babies' futures. Pretty soon, the support group was even beginning to look like a pregnancy after loss support group!

I've continued to attend meetings but make a point to do the following:

• I share openly about my current fears and past pain. I tell them, I just want to go full term. I just want my chance to be a mom. Their reaction has always been one of compassion.
• I never, ever, ever get all exuberant and happy about what's going on with baby. I never offer to show off ultrasound pics or talk of baby showers, etc. It truly isn't the place. I make it clear that we need each other and their time will come one day, too.
• I give a baby update only when asked. I will quickly tell a person that we'll talk about it after the meeting, which spares those who might not want to hear about the (living) baby.

The ladies are some of my biggest supporters and those who know the extreme pain and heartache we've endured, are encouraged as we continue to make progress. Just know that the support group is for any person who has a need for it -pregnant or not.

Hope this helps.