Wednesday, February 21, 2007

What do I say when ...

Months ago, I posted a list of uncomfortable questions bereaved mothers had been asked and their responses. When hit with questions like these, a mom in our shoes usually feels stumped, but hopefully these answers will empower you!

Read the post Responding to Dumb-itity here.

Questions that still stump me go like this: When a person knows of my previous losses and they discover I'm pregnant again or trying to get pregnant, they usually ask:

"Well, have you considered adoption?" (read: You can have a live baby!)
"So, how far along are you this time?" (read: Is the baby viable yet?)

What questions have totally stumped you?


Anonymous said...

I dont think posting something like this is going to help anyone in the grieving process.
It seems to help us dwell on the insensitive things people say. Many people mean well, even when they say stuff like this, because they do not know what to say or how to react. These questions and comments are asked quite often (though not in such an exaggerated fashion), and the best thing someone can do is simply not to try to be clever but to ignore it.
The best thing for someone to realize is that not everyone goes through the same thing as you have, and they are at a loss for words. Not everyone is a mind reader.


Anon ~

You are absolutely right! The questions and answers aren't going to help a person through the grieving process, they simply provide information that can help the bereaved educate those who haven't shared their experience.

When a person is intentionally rude, I think ignoring the comment is the best solution. But, like you said, because people don't read minds, how else will they understand how a bereaved parent feels about often-insensitive questions if she/he doesn't speak up?

Just a little food for thought.