For me, part of it is a choice the other part is a gift from God. On most days I choose to believe in God's ability to make my life better than it was before our babies died. I choose to believe that He will bless us with a healthy child regardless of what has happened in the past. To fuel my faith I do several things:
- I ask God to give me faith ... I pray that He will help me believe in his ability to take my hurt away and to give me a happy, healthy baby ending.
- I try very hard to eliminate negative words from my vocabulary. I won't allow myself to get caught in a cycle of talking about what went wrong last time, the time before and the time before then. When I do that, it makes me feel anxious and fearful which cancels what little faith I had before I began the vicious cycle.
- I read my Bible. I especially like to spend time reading about Jesus' ministry in Matt, Mark, Luke and John. Hey, if miracles happened for them, why wouldn't it happen for me? After all, God is the same now as He was then. It's also important to read the Word because it says ... faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.
- I take little spiritual risks everyday. Sometimes I'll attempt something that I know I couldn't accomplish in my own power ... I ask for God's help ... and I get it. Every accomplishment increases my faith in God's abilities to work in my life. A good example of this is writing Stolen Angels and doing all the marketing and networking necessary to promote the book. Impossible on my own ... but I asked God for help and He really showed up and showed out!!
- I listen to other people's testimonies about how God has blessed them. I also reflect on the many ways He continues to bless me. It's been soooo easy to forget that I had a past or a future before my babies died.
Make no mistake, getting and keeping your faith is a struggle, but it's a habit that must be established before you find yourself weighed down by the cares of this world. For those who read this blog regularly ... our "cares" are usually centered around getting and staying pregnant.
Try a few of these faith fuelers and see if it doesn't make a difference.