Friday, September 08, 2006

Four years ago today ... my son died

I can't believe it's been four years since we said goodbye to our 10-day old baby Christopher. As I sit here on this anniversary date it is oh so tempting to wallow in self-pity. To lash out at the unfairness of it all.

I'm a mother with no living children. The birth and death anniversaries of our three angels roll around, colliding in my head, the pain of a life without them hurts my heart and with all we've been through I wonder if I am justified in a bit of wallowing? I stumbled across a scripture* in John 16:21 which states (paraphrased) that a woman's joy after giving birth overshadows the pain and anguish she experienced because her child has been born. It would be too easy for me to stop right there and conclude that I am justified in my pain because I haven't yet experienced the joy of welcoming a vibrant child into this world.

I can't stop right there. It makes me feel so hopeless. Like I have nothing. I kept reading and found encouragement with what I found. John 16:22-23 reveals that now may be my time of grieving, but when I attain the greatest gift of all - life eternal - no one will take away my joy. And the best part: Whatever I ask in Jesus' name will be mine and my joy will be complete.

I believe the scripture and so I will present my requests.

Today I am focusing on the blessings and love surrounding me. Here's just a short list. Whenever you feel discouraged, break out a pen and paper and create your own list of blessings. It truly takes the focus off of self and places it where it belongs ...

  • My hubby arrived home on Monday after a year in Iraq.
  • Our love and relationship has deepened and intensified during this time away.
  • We are financially secure.
  • We both have vibrant health.
  • God has blessed all that we've placed our hand to whether it is career or personal aspirations.
  • I have a sound mind, wonderful family and loyal friends.

Please take a moment and share at least two of your blessings in the comments section ...


* The Bible is a living word, so the Holy Spirit may reveal interpretations that are relevant to our own lives. The literal meaning of this particular scripture was used as an analogy to describe how the disciples would feel before and after Jesus’ crucifixion/resurrection.

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