Friday, March 12, 2010

Secrets for Healing #1

After my daughter, Elyana, died, I learned one of many secrets about how to heal a broken heart. The secret I will share here is simple, yet can get pretty complex rather quickly. If you want to release the painful feelings that often go along with grief here's what to do:

  1. Grab a pen and notebook.

  2. Start writing your baby's story. You can start where you feel most comfortable, but some have found it's easiest to begin - well, at the beginning. Try describing your pregnancy or time of life before things went terribly wrong. As your story moves forward, you may find your emotions grow more intense. When I wrote my babies' stories for my book Stolen Angels, I found that there were times when I couldn't even see the paper and could barely hold the pen because I was crying and shaking so much. This is when the writing process becomes more complex.

  3. Write through the pain. There might be memories you don't want to face. Emotions you don't want to process. You might be shocked by thoughts you don't know you have. But, keep writing. Grief work is hard work. You can't run from it, and you can't hide from it, but like a cornered animal you must put your back against the wall and fight your way out!

  4. After you write your baby's entire story, keep your notebook handy and continue to reflect on your feelings, hopes, sorrows, experiences at least once each day. The key is to stay in touch with how you feel - getting it outside of yourself, rather than keeping it inside. story

  5. Write this at the top of your first page - believe it - and refer to it often:

"Grief hurts me, it scars me, but I WILL survive today,
and Grief will not destroy me."

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