Tuesday, November 28, 2006

It's Been a Year

November 18, 2006 marked one year since I discovered that my precious Elyana died in my womb. For some reason I thought I'd skirt the one year anniversary blues. Maybe I figured that I was a "pro" ... I've experienced the deaths of two infant sons, so I knew what to expect third time around, right? Not quite.

The date snuck up behind me actually. I thought I was just tired or overworked from trying to promote Stolen Angels. Then depression kicked in, but I attributed that to an ongoing disagreement with a couple of family members. I couldn't explain the uncontrolled crying or the ripping of my heart until I saw the calendar and realized I had the "blues"!

The troubling thing for me is that even with all my "know how" I had actually forgotten all the lessons I learned (and taught) about facing the one year anniversary. This tells me that every person should have a friend who can encourage and uplift them before, during and just after those landmark moments whether it be the birth anniversary, day your baby died or the expected due date.

I published more tips in Stolen Angels but, perhaps someone will have need of a few now. Here are three tips to get you through the one year blues:

Reach out to other hurting parents. Turn your hurt out, don’t keep it in! Grief will isolate you, if you let it. Just like you, other grieving parents need someone to hear about their pain as part of the healing process.

Continue to celebrate your life. Make a choice to enjoy your time on this earth. Any child would want that for their parents.

Find meaning in life. Sometimes staying busy through your usual job no longer cuts it. Aggressively seek out the meaning for your life. Try not to focus on “what happened?” but on “who am I now?” Neither of these answers comes easily, but asking what happened? may leave you stranded in the past while who am I now? speaks to your future.


Brooke said...

I'm so sorry for your pain. I don't think you could ever become a "pro" at going through this. Really - be kind to yourself.

I am dreading the one year anniversary of when my baby Zach died - made much more scary to me by finding out that my sister-in-law's baby is due within days of this special day of mine. I'm praying that God will be merciful and not allow her baby to be born on that day.

Sharee said...

Thanks for the encouragment ...may healing - true healing come to both of our hearts as we continue this painful path.