I admit it. I don't know. I don't know the answers to the "why" questions. There is only one thing of which I am certain. I could not have survived (and yes, thrived) without God. It is becoming so common to just leave Him out of the discussion, but this is a post where I have to get real.
I read your posts when you rail against God and the injustices "He has commited against you". I even get it, because I've been there ... I've done the same thing. I read your posts where it is only the anger that gets you through each day. I read your posts when you search for meaning, and the posts where you meditate on the ugliness others have so carelessly tossed your way. I cry when you write about your pain, your emptiness, your sorrow. I hurt when I think of your little boys and girls who left this world before gray hairs could grace their heads.
It is healthy and normal to dedicate a season for our grief. To mourn fully, flat on our faces, with all we've got left. But no, we are not created to carry the weight of our grief with us the rest of our days. Those who try doing this anyway live dark, empty lives where her companions are bitterness, sadness, and fear rather than joy and gladness. This is a life that leads to more loneliness, depression, medication, and it's a downward spiral from there. I do not argue that we stop feeling sad about what happened ... I argue that we were never intended to carry the weight of sadness with us hourly - for life.
When we talk about letting go of the pain's intensity, many misunderstand and think I mean they should forget or "get over" their baby. I would never suggest such foolishness. I admonish you to stop the cycle of blame. God has not taken your baby. No, He literally records your every tear ... He is the Lifter of your head ... He is the Healer of your soul. But, these things won't just happen on their own. You are required to take action. Reach for Him and He will reach back!
Try it. When you feel like you have lost everything, what else have you got to lose?
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