3 Steps to Healing

There is no perfect formula for healing because each person grieves in a unique way. Although healing comes at different times and in different ways, you can't go wrong by doing these three things:

1. Develop your faith
2. Cling to your joy
3. Praise God

Developing faith
I firmly believe that true healing comes when God is at the center. I had to build a foundation of faith before trials arrived, so that I was less likely to turn from the Healer. When Christopher and then Kasimir died, I fell to pieces. I had done little to nurture a relationship with Jesus, and I didn't know what the Bible said, so I couldn't even cling onto those promises.

I have found that faith is developed through prayer (ask God for faith), Bible study and hearing the Word of God. After hearing the Word I had to apply it to my life. I couldn't grow without both hearing and doing. Although I easily heard the Word on the Internet and through spiritual CDs, I found it was best live and from the pulpit. I also had at least one faith-filled friend to encourage me in times of doubt. After our third child died, and when facing the roller coaster of a fourth pregnancy ... I was able to lean confidently on the Lord.

Cling to your joy
The enemy knows that the joy of the Lord is the believer's strength. If he can successfully steal our hope, joy and love ... he can easily defeat us! Joy is one of the fruits of the Spirit ... so if one has the Holy Spirit living on the inside, it is next to impossible to stay in a depressed, defeated, hopeless state of mind. Ask God to fill you with His Spirit and renew your joy. When you get it, never let it go!

Praise God
I have learned that if I am believing God for any miracle (for me it was a live, healthy baby) ... I have got to open my mouth, lift my hands and voice and give Him praise! I must praise Him even when I don't feel like it (and it is hard to "give thanks" when feeling destroyed and disappointed after a loss). My advice: Don't wait to the battle is over, praise God now. For when the praises go up, the blessings truly do come down.

Praise activates our blessings ... just take a peek through the many examples of praise equaling victory throughout the Bible.

I stand as a living witness that growing spiritually in these areas will do wonders for healing your pain. I am a woman who has longed for a baby for 5 years. I've experienced hurt and devastation that few can imagine ... but God has healed my heart and provided countless miracles for our family (including the birth of a healthy baby boy). The same can happen for you!

See for yourself. Take a risk, turn to the Lord (right now) and He will answer your prayers.

More on Stillbirth

I found an article months ago about a woman's experience with stillbirth. I think the journalist has a knack for describing the intense, often excruciating emotions that come when your baby is born still. The article, titled "Calling all Angels" is similar to my own experience with Elyana in November 2005. A major difference is the doctors were able to determine a reason for the author's baby's death and her baby's heart actually stopped beating during the ultrasound!

The good news is that organizations are now working harder than ever to collect and share more information about why stillbirth happens and what can be done to prevent it.

Read the full article here.

Speak Up, Reach Out

Infant or pregnancy loss is one of those topics people seem to shy away from. The only topics that can cool a conversation faster seem to be abortion or AIDS. Even parents whose babies have died, don't want to talk about what happened. The astounding truth is that millions of women experience infant/pregnancy losses each year!

Check out the staggering statistics:4 million newborn babies die each year - world wide. Medical News TODAY

800,000+ women, in the U.S., experience the devastation of miscarriage each year ... that is 1 of every 5 women! Sound Medicine (The last 5 years there were 4,000,000 miscarriages!)

So ladies, we need to speak out about this thing that has traumatized our homes and the homes of millions of others around the world! This entry is directed to the parents who feel unable (or unwilling) to tell others about their life-altering experience. Although many of us will never understand why tragedy has struck us, I think it is important to use our pain to help others out of their own pit of despair.

10 reasons why you should reach out:

1. As women, why should we struggle with our pain privately - forever?
2. Think of 3 reasons why it is a bad idea to offer a tip to a mom who is devastated by the death of her baby? Take a risk!
3. Doing well always comes back around. So does doing nothing.
4. Reflect on how alone you felt after your loss. Choose to be there for others in their grief.
5. Why not?
6. Talking and sharing has always been a healing past time for women. Think of other, more trivial, topics you'll readily share. Reflect on how good it feels to offload that bit of baggage. The same is true for the major luggage, too.
7. Take a risk (by opening this discussion) and build your own confidence.
8. The more you talk about what happened, the less like a "can of worms" it will seem.
9. As a Christian, we should develop a burden for the brokenhearted. James 1:27 speaks of visiting the widows and orphans in their afflictions. Is it too great a leap to say this love can include the childless, as well?
10. Because you care about the hurting and want to make a difference.
    

How to reach out:

• When in a group of women we're always talking about our children. So, casually start a conversation that may encourage others to open up and share their experiences. Try: "when I had my miscarriage, I didn't know we'd be able to go on to have Mirabel and Joey." You'd be surprised at who else has a story to share.
• If you know of someone whose baby has died, immediately go to them (overriding your brain, following your heart) and say: "I also lost my baby/had a miscarriage. Do you mind if I call you later? You can also call me when you're ready to talk." Exchange phone numbers and follow through with the call.
• Simply say: "If you need a friend, or if you'd like to know how I worked through my pain, call or e-mail me."

When you hear of a loss, try the following:

• Send sympathy cards with a message saying you've also experienced loss
• Send flowers with a personalized card "you are not alone"
• Start a blog
• Send an e-mail to a grief-stricken parent
• Visit the bereaved (even if you barely know them)
• Write a poem for a bereaved parent
• Buy a preemie or miscarriage themed scrapbook online as a gift to someone in need
• Make a quilt square and donate it to your local NICU
• Enfold a hurting parent in a empathetic hug
• Think of your own creative way to connect

With so many of us affected by loss each year, there is no reason why even one mom or dad should feel alone after their baby has died. Reach out to one of the broken 4,800,000 women and their families today, and make a difference in your home, circle of friends, community and the world.